To my followers, both of you, I wanted to say sorry for the delay, I have been having...issues, but they are fixed. I know its been months since I last posted a blog and I wasn't sure I when or IF I would even return to blogging. But like the saying goes, "Opinions are like Assholes and everyone has one!" I'm no different. Icebreaker is MY opinion, My perspective, and My outlet. The world be damned, I'm gonna make this blog EPIC and not a waste of time (shameless plug on a previous blog topic)....also the few followers I do have, seem to like it, so without further a due, Icebreaker's return:
My last blog indicated that I was going to write a "4 part series" which was based off of something I can't even remember. Now I want you to think of it like a TV series cliff hanger, season finale, but without the proper closure in the season premire, 'cuz that's what that part of my life was. I was attempting to make my way, doing the things the way I have always done them and hoping for a different outcome. I think that's a definition of something, but Wikipedia isn't working so I'm not gonna bother with the word. But that mentality was the source of my failures, and from the ashes rises a Phoenix or in my case a chiseled Icebreaking machine!! ;-)
I guess its best to start with a short explanation of my fall and ultimate wake up...strike!! This winter I turned into a home body, a recluse, a couch potato, a {yikes} Big L (hand to forehead with thumb and forefinger). How did I get there, well, you read my blog, more failure than success stories. But how did I finally make some positive changes....with the help of a literal wake up strike to the balls. This isn't to say that I wasn't out in the field. I actually met and spend time with a couple great women. But it was in these, dare I say the word, "relationships", that I realized I was broken. When you have a great time with a woman and can't find yourself enjoying it, your broken.
I was saying I was living in the moment, but my moment was somewhere in the past. I ended two relationships, short, but fun, with the basic saying of "I can't see where tomorrow is, but I'm fine with today, if that's not good enough for you, I understand." Both decided they wanted more and I'm happy to still call both friends. But that's not what made me realize I needed to change. It was the cock strike that woke me up.....!*$##@
Now I want to be clear here....I am not using a code or talking about an actual chicken, or some other secret language. When I say cock strike, that is what I mean...a direct, closed fist, side of the palm to the groin...the nuts and berries, the apples and sauce...you get the Austin Powers reference? (If not, you should probably stop reading cause this won't be funny to you!)
I remember it like it was 7 months and 3 days ago..roughly. I would like to say I was quietly minding my own business, I would like to say I wasn't at a bar, and I would like to say I didn't deserve it, but that would violate a blogging rule of mine. So, for the record, I was attempting to work the 'Kavorka" (when you can do no wrong with woman), I was at a bar, and I DID deserve something...not necessarily a cock smack, but...During my chat, the topic of being single came up and I replied that I was divorced. So was she. We formed a connection, *****IMPORTANT IDEA HERE**** on negative topic! Now I didn't know this at the time, but by connecting on a negative topic, we began to talk about negative things in our lives, and although I felt I was having a Kavorka moment, it was actually me becoming her dumping ground for negative emotional baggage.
Now when a woman is angry at an ex-husband and you start to reminder her of him, 1 of 3 things can happen. 1.) Angry, no holds barred, sex. [WOOT WOOT] 2.) Parting as friends who shared pain. [Cool] 3.) Simply put, a cock punch. [Who knew right..I would think there would multiple outcomes, none of which involved a cock punch!!] But there I was enjoying a drink with a pretty lady, talking, sharing f...fee...feelings!! But as she spoke I found myself thinking.. "Where is this going?" Believing in only 2 possible outcomes, and hoping for Choice #1. I decided it was time to work the magic I learned from all my failures, I mean I knew what I was doing now!!
It was time to change the topic, I needed a transition sentence of some type. I had to turn this topic around, but I was unsure of how to do it. So I decided, based on what I thought I saw, to start making physical contact, you know...grounding . Go big or go home, right? Nothing overt..at first, but I missed that I wasn't being touched back. She wasn't saying no verbally because she was talking about her hurt feelings, I was also missing the volumes she was saying in body language. Being the sensitive guy I am, I moved my hand to her knee as I said the words "life goes on, we have to deal with it." well apparently this is something similar to what her ex had said on the day he told her he had a girlfriend, who was 10 years her younger, and "better in the sack". (Real nice guy!!) This caused a physiological response of her looking down and to the left.
Now I recognized this immediately as meaning - her body was performing a combination of emotional and creative recalls, and in the time it took me to process that, she attempted to move my hand from her knee. Now everyone knows, its better to move your hand yourself, then to have a chick move it. If she actually touches it, the set back is tough to recover from, but if you can move it first, you have the opportunity to go back. So I pulled it away quickly, and in her haste to move it combined with not knowing my hand was going to move, I took a shot to the boys! I made a horrific noise, more out of fear than actual pain. People looked and her hand was coming from the groin area. This intern embarrassed her and she ran off, crying! And no, she didn't not come back! Still trying to figure out if she was being creative about her bar tab or really hurt!!
So there I was, in a bar, having taken a shot to the frank and beans, with a chick that ran away, crying, while being stared at by everyone!! I was actually waiting for some disgruntled lady to throw a drink on me. The bottom line was ended up I paying both tabs and I looked like a Bag of Dicks. Oh, yeah, I left a lone too, but worst of all I looked like THAT GUY to everyone in the place and kind of felt that way too. So I packed it up and headed home. This is when I decided to find the guy I WAS, and learn how to stop being the guy I had become!
See I remember a time in my life when I had the ability to talk with anyone, hell everyone, a time when I was filled with real smiles, and could start a party without trying. Over then next few months I came to terms with my faults and the biggy here, relationships fail because you become stagnant. The failures in my life were MY fault, I had the ability to control them and chose not I'm the guy who gets better and smarter everyday, I learn from everyone around me, but more importantly, I found the Kavorka...for life not for women, but they seem to like too!!!
Who am I? I'm the Icebreaker -
